6. On renewal
Spring coincides with the lifting of lockdown. The warmer air, the birdsong(!) the emergence of daffodils and bouquets of blossoming trees but can’t help to lift us out of our winter slumber. And what a long winter it has been for those of shielding/isolating/homeschooling, home working…
What many folks may not realise, spring commencing in April on is the highest rates for suicide here in the UK, the US and internationally (ONS 2001-2018). It reverses the commonplace thinking that the winter holiday period poses the highest risk. There are different theories as to why spring is the darkest season for mental health – socioeconomic (taxes!), immunology (allergies!), neurobiology (mood disorders and depression) — no singular indicator can fully answer this.
For our purposes, I want to lift up the psychoanalytical perspective of this causal link between spring and our internal suffering. Looking at the natural world and its incredible birth/decay/death/renewal cycle, we can see the wisdom of nature. Similarly, if we are speaking to our souls - our suffering and neuroses - the heralding of spring can feel like a confrontation on our lives.
For if we are living a more limited life and our functioning is compromised by the poor health of mind or body, spring serves to amplify this. You don’t have to be in a deep depression to feel it or see it. With the early sunrise and longer days, it is time for us to face up to the light of what we fear or have been avoiding.
The rite of spring
Spring awakens that biological compulsion to return out into the world, to feel the sun on our skin, to procreate, and to connect with our environments. This also means to be seen – on the streets, in the queues, and in contact with friends. For those who are suffering privately, there is an expectation to socialise and be visible which also puts enormous pressure on how much they can contain.
Lockdown has exacerbated that desire to make up for lost social contact and relationships in a kind of expected euphoria to reunite with each other after this protracted time apart. And I hear from many of you, a quiet underlying anxiety about the return to life post-lockdown. Many of you are comfortable and have made the best of a difficult situation. And even if isn’t ideal, many of you have adapted. It is the change that confronts us to come out of our comfort zones and to move into something familiar and yet unknown. To be in public life masked and move within a pandemic that is unseen. It really is disorienting to grasp what we cannot see or know.
Internally, we could be placing small demands on ourselves - to exercise more, to eat less, to tidy up the cupboards, to do better this time around, to shake off our vices, in a kind of shedding off those winter protective layers. But let me emphasise, spring is not a call to be more productive, it is a call to consciousness. Spring is a call for renewal and growth that comes from confronting the soul’s inner desires and our shadow. For how can we move on and re-emerge anew without having cleared away the old thoughts, disappointments, and defeats? The invitation is to not withdraw but to move through our suffering to the other side.
In a more soul-stirring account, T.S. Eliot understands this confrontation in the epic poem, The Wasteland. Here’s an extract from Part 1 told from the voice of a once aristocratic woman reminiscing on her nostalgic childhood before the wastage of World War I.
I. THE BURIAL OF THE DEAD
APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade,
And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
Bin gar keine Russin, stamm’ aus Litauen, echt deutsch.
And when we were children, staying at the archduke’s,
My cousin’s, he took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free.
I read, much of the night, and go south in the winter…
Read in full T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land (1922)
NB: If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out for professional help. If you are worried about someone who is struggling with suicide, self-harm, or depression, speak to them. Try to seek connection and not panic. You never know just how much your concern may help them. Below are sources of help.
On reflection
With the advent of Equinox and spring, what internal demands have you placed on yourself?
What is the source of these demands? Will these efforts enlargen your life experience or are they in service to the constant unmet improvement of our ego?
How do the seasons affect your moods?
What value, belief, or ambition may need to die in order for you to move through your internal judgment and suffering?
Do you know someone affected by suicide or suicidal ideation? Have you understood their pain or have you felt stuck in fear and judgment of their pain?
Phone numbers for urgent support - for emergencies, dial 999
Samaritans – Freephone number 116123. 24 hours, seven days a week. Confidential and non-judgemental emotional support whenever you need someone to talk to.
Saneline - 0845 767 8000 - Available 12pm - 2am. Saneline is an out-of-hours telephone helpline offering practical information, crisis care and emotional support to anybody affected by mental health problems.
NHS Direct - 0845 4647 - Available 24 hours, seven days a week NHS Direct provides advice and information about health and the NHS so that people are better able to care for themselves and their families. The service aims to provide clinical advice to support self-care and appropriate self-referral to NHS services, as well as access to more general advice and information.